I didn’t realize that it has been a year since I have started my fashion blog. Boy, how time flies when your world is in a whirlwind of loss, excitement, disappointments and victories. I finally said that I have been putting this off for long enough, so I figured it was time to share part 1 of this growing process I have been going through.
So many people have been asking me what did I do to lose over 90 lbs in the last 2 years and what’s the story behind it. I have to admit that I have been quite lazy in writing this, but also not moved to write about it. I wanted to write this blog post when I was inspired to do so. Who wants to read an uninspired blog post? I don’t….. I am not sure where this blog post series is taking me, but I have to say that I am already feeling empowered.
I have always been a chubby kid. From the time I was in elementary to the beginning of my high school years. Yes, my weight got me teased and picked on, but it was never anything that crippled who I was. It was never was a hindrance because I was always confident, funny, and had a FABULOUS sense of style…..(yes I did). I never had a problem with getting boyfriends or dating in my adult life. So to me, life was good!
“…diet and exercise wasn’t gonna work for me….needed instantaneous results”
My weight has been a struggle that I have battled with most of my life. I have tried every single detox, weight loss plan you can imagine. Just plain diet and exercise was not gonna cut it for me. I enjoyed eating carbs, sweets and anything else that was not good for me. I am the type of person that needs instantaneous results.
During college, I picked up so much weight. It was ridiculous. It seemed like it happened over night. I went to sleep and woke up 60 or 75 lbs heavier. That’s how quick it happened. You know how they say you will gain the “Freshman 15”, well I gained the “Freshman 60 or 75”. I can’t remember exactly how much weight I gained, but what I do remember is that I gained a whole lot of weight. Ughhhhhh!!! (depressing time)…..
The last 5 years of my life have been some of the most difficult times I have encountered in my adult life up until this point. From dealing with my mother suffering and later passing away from cancer a year ago to coping with ending my marriage, these last 2 years have been full of loss.
“…like most emotional eaters do…If I was stressed, I ate”
During the course of dealing with this, I gained a lot of weight (once again) just from being depressed and finding comfort in food like most emotional eaters like me do. If I was stressed, I ate, If we had an argument I ate, If I got a bad report from the doctor concerning my mom, I ate. For any reason, happy or sad, I used food or “Happy Hours” to submerge my emotions. Something had to change.
My Weight and My Fashion……..
Everyone knows that the fashion industry is built on image and unfortunately , it’s a harsh reality. You are always judged based on your appearance. I know this because I have been styling clients for the past 9 years and have always known that as a woman of a particular size (plus-size), I had to ALWAYS BRING IT. No PROBLEM. It’s what I do.
But then something started changing with me when I started blogging and attending events. I wasn’t happy with what I saw in the mirror. Now with loving clothes and playing dress up and that last thing that I needed was to start feeling insecure. And when I say insecure, I mean EXTREMELY insecure. I began to think to myself that I love clothes, make-up, and all things fashion too much to let my weight affect my business and passion. It was a place that I had never been before. And I didn’t like it . Something had to be done and I had to be the one to do it.
I have always known that I am good at what I do in the world of styling and fashion, but I wanted my personality and expertise to match my image. It’s a package deal. I know how important branding is and it starts with your appearance especially in this industry. I didn’t want to start letting my physical insecurities overtake my passion and paralyze me from moving forward with my styling business.
My Turning Point……
“….I had just given up on myself.”
I remember being at work and having a conversation with my friend/co-worker and just being in a really sad place. I was suffering from my marriage being in turmoil, dealing with my mother being in and out of the hospital and I was extremely
overweight. The word I really want to use is “fat”. And I say that because I was doing all of the things to my body that said that I just had given up on myself. I told her that I was ready to change my life. I was tired. I had so many great things going on in my life, but I was hopeless. I had a great job, great friends , working on my Ph.D (a dream come true) and financially things were looking up. But I was missing so much more inside. I was empty, hopeless, and didn’t want to live life like that.
“Me…depressed? Hell NO.”
I would avoid mirrors in my house and no longer wanted to do outside activities because I had gained so much weight. “How in the world did I let myself get here?” One thing I realized is that how you respond to life’s circumstances can take you to different places. Depression was something so foreign to me because I had always been funny, jovial, and an encourager to those around me. I can’t be the very person that I normally encourage. Me…depressed….hell no! But oh hell yes I was! I couldn’t shake it and didn’t realize that I was in that space. I wanted out. And I wanted out, Quickly.
So during this moment, the Donnie McClurkin song stayed in my spirit *singing* “What do you do when you have done all you can…Stand”. I was ready to take a stand and change what I didn’t like seeing in the mirror and what I didn’t like feeling on the inside. I became tired of this dark cloud hovering over me every time I woke up. My spirit was troubled and I told God that I know this is not the life that I am supposed to live. I said that I was changing everything about my world that very day. And I did. My journey began in March 2013. Now 92lbs later, I rejoice, shine and release nothing but victory around me. A New Me. A New Body. A New Spirit.
How I Did It (Part 2)…….NEXT BLOG POST